Travesty to science

Had one more person to inform about my change in career. I never
interviewed with her for a job specifically, but she helped in getting me in
contact with the right people. She has been instrumental in my getting into
the ABMG program. She's believed in me and it was a more difficult call
than any other, even ones turning down offers.

Like others, she sang the praises of science. How it's the best life, the
most rewarding existence, and nothing else like it. It'd be a "travesty"
for science to lose me she says.

It's all true. I just don't want it enough.

Not that it doesn't feel good to have all these PIs believe in me. And none
reacted as if I'm selling out or betraying science. And all kept the door
open despite my efforts to close them. And I appreciate it all. But it's
hard not to see that they're dissappointed and that I've let them down.

And she's not the first to ask why.

It's been one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make.

It's difficult to summarize why. There are so many factors. There is good
as well as bad, just as there were highs and lows to grad school.

Maybe I just don't want the responsibility.

Maybe I just don't want the frustration.

Maybe I just don't want it enough.