Fun ≠run

I went to a "fun" run on Sunday for the kidney foundation. I got there too early and had to interact with strangers. That sucked. I can't hold a fake smile for long before it turns into some sort of growl. And I never run, so the 5km was just way more than I thought. The subsequent week, I was limping because my plantar fascia tendon was inflamed, or so I was told. Running's so bad for you! So much impact! Darts on the other hand, is the sport of kings.

Stuffed pork chop

Oh I wish I had a picture of the finished product, because it was just beautiful! I was invited to a BBQ and couldn't decide what to bring. So I got some pork chops. But then I thought that was too boring so I fillet'd them open and stuffed it with mushrooms and cheese. I stitched it close with a skewer. I wasn't sure how it'd turn out, by fire made it good! It came out perfectly browned on the outside, sealing in all the juicy goodness! Sure, some cheese leaked out, but most of it stayed in, mingled with the mushroom juice and made an internal cheese sauce! Mmmm!

Express my ass

First the George, now this. Why does everything look so good on infomercials?! I bought a Pasta Express because it was on sale. I make quite a bit of pasta, so I thought express would be the way to go. And I've always been so pissed at how lasagna sticks together and takes forever. I was a bit worried when I opened the box and flipped through the "cookbook", only to find a total lack of any lasagna recipes. I wasn't deterred however and I tried it. 20 minutes in the boiling water-filled tube, I removed my spinach lasagna, only to find them bonded to each other at a sub-atomic level. I tried boiling them in a regular pot for the next hour and a half, but no luck. They should make space shuttles out of this stuff. So I'm sure thin pastas like spaghetti will work fine, but who needs help with spaghetti?

Movie review: Thank You for Smoking

Woo! Don't miss this one! Thank You for Smoking is a satire about a lobbyist for the tobacco industry. A spin artist at the top of his game, able to make cigarettes sound like candy. All the characters were funny and fit the movie perfectly, from his MOD squad friends to the kimono clad hollywood exec. Just to bring it down to earth, it's also about how he deals with his son that idolizes him, and his work. Funny, smart and witty!

Thank You for Smoking 6/7

Movie review: Lucky Number Slevin

I really liked this movie. Sure, it's your usual revenge, crime thriller movie with assasins and gang bosses, but it's well done! It even has a twist at the end. It was fun and never skipped a beat. Other than my movie partner falling asleep. It's pretty mainstream so no need for my synopsis.

Lucky Number Slevin 7/9

Another world

Ah, another trip to Montreal. This one will probably be more memorable than most. First, our hotel sucked. Donkey. Please, nobody stay at the Maritime Plaza in Montreal! It's old, it's falling apart, and the "breakfast" is pathetic.

At least it was close to the arena, where we had tickets for a Canadienes game! I usually see one game every season. Since this one was drawing to a close, I was quite dissappointed that I still hadn't seen one. That was until we got some free tickets from our contractor! The Senators were visiting and the rivalry was obviously intense! People were dressed up and yelling at each other in the streets. The game was excellent, with the Canadienes winning. But I have to say the arena bathroom is poorly designed. At first, I thought, 'wow, a gigantic bathroom, cool', but having larger bathrooms also meant having fewer bathrooms. Having a bank of forty urinals on a wall works great, only if the traffic is managed correctly. Turns out, the organic flow of the crowd streamed men into the bathroom, stopping at the urinals/stalls, and poured back out... while missing the sinks. The design of the bathroom was such that people passed the sinks *before* the urinals. Entrance, sinks, stalls, urinals, exit, in that order. As a result, nobody washed their hands. *I* fought my way the the sinks though, but it was tempting not to...

We ended up getting our work done ahead of schedule. It was quite the toss up between staying and having fun or going home, but we elected to go home early. We were glad to though, after what we saw go down in the streets of Montreal. Not a back alley at 1am, but Ste Catherine, at dinner time. A handful of hooligans beat this one guy into a twitching bleeding mess. I don't know how it started, but as we approached the group, the victim was kicked into the street, where he obviously was already defeated, but subsequently received a few more kicks on the ground. To top it off, the last attacker stomped on his face. Not kicked, but stomped, with all his weight. How one can bring himself to stomp on a human face is beyond me. They ran off, leaving the lone victim bleeding in the street. We felt so useless. It all happened so fast, and up till near the end, my naive mind still thought it was rough-housing. We were glad to go home early.

On the last day, we had some time to visit St. Joseph's Oratory, an old church atop a nearby hill. It was pretty impressive, and had the most elaborate museum of nativity scenes ever. There was also a pet shop nearby where I almost got a baby turtle. But Air Canada said nay to exotic pets like reptiles. Meanies.

Movie review: Three... Extremes

Apparently this became a bit of a cult hit in Asia. It's really a trilogy of unrelated short films, sort of in the horror genre, of so it was sold. Each is made by a big name young director from Japan, Hong Kong and Korea.

The first, "Box", is really more weird pretentious artsy fartsy drivel than horror, with a side of incest that is. It's about... a box or something, with twin kids, and one getting burnt in the box... yeah, whatever. "Dumplings" is more in line with low brow horror movies reliant on shock than chills. It's too bad too, because the premise of this one had the most promise. It only touched on the most shallow reflexes one would expect from eating dumplings with unsavory fillings. But it just relied on depiction of a bloody abortion and flashed a few frames of the unmentionable. I didn't like either of the first ones. Interesting at times, eliciting knee jerk reactions in others, and sometimes making me feel like I was touched in inappropriate places. Icky.

The last, "Cut" is a bit better. A bit like the premise of Saw, about making certain lose-lose choices. But at another level, it was about guilt and life not as great as it's cracked up to be.

Three... Extremes 1/2

Oh Georgie, you let me down

I bought a George Foreman grill several months back. It's a typical tool in the bachelor's repertoire of kitchen gadgets. And he's so damned convincing on those infomercials. It's been sitting in its box till tonight when it got the chance to prove itself in my Kitchen Stadium.

One of the pictures on the box depicts two burgers being cooked, having its greasy life force drained away by Geroge's patented gravity. So I decided to do the same. I made some burgers from scratch, plugged ol' Georgie in and watched the smoke rise. It started promising as the wonderful aroma was escaping at record pace only a few minutes after dissappearing beneath the modern clam-shell designer lid. But when I lifted it to check, it was already completely burnt! The center was nowhere near cooked and there's no heat setting on this thing! Not to mention the drip tray is just a frustrating length as to catch the farthest most channel on the right and miss the last channel on the left. To top it all off, cleaning was not as demonstrated! You remember how they just wipe the thing clean? NO WAY! Stuff was stuck everywhere! And of course since the tray doesn't come off from the apparatus, it was a pain in the ass to clean. What's with dat, George?! I've never lent *my* name to an inferior product. C'mon, man, it used to be about the grill!

The silver lining is that I had plenty of raw material left to make four more burgers on a frying pan, and boy did they come out wonderous! I chopped in lots of mushrooms and onions, with some garlic and pepper. Added some bread crumbs, which I had to convert from a crouton state via bashing with a shampoo bottle. A couple eggs, some olive oil and my super secret flavour ingredient: (drumroll please) soy sauce and oyster sauce! Trust me, it made it AWESOME! It was juicy, tender and packed a tasty punch with every bite!

Movie review: Thumbsucker

Justin Cobb sucks his thumb. We all did it, but he's 17. It's a secret he can tell no-one and a crutch that impedes his every stride in life. He wants to change, he wants to give it up, if only he had the help of a hippie dentist who can hypnotize him...

I quite enjoyed the movie although it's quite a bit deeper than the trailers would lead one to believe. It's about addiction, the need to fit in, the need to be somebody, and being careful of what you wish for. Because sometimes as bad as things may seem, it can always be worse.

Thumbsucker 9/13

Hippies against guns

I went with some friends to a benefit concert for Amnesty International tonight. It was gun control night although very little of it had to do with gun control. Various bands played, and some peddled their wares such as t-shirts with handguns on it. Obvious oblivious to why they were invited to play. One guitarist even pretended his guitar was a gun, cocked it, and shot at the audience to the music as a close-out to his song. Please, context, people!

A few petitions came floating by too and I let them pass. What the hell's the point of these completely unverifiable lists of names?! You don't even have to put down an address! I assume they don't exactly care if you use a real name either.

The music was mostly quite good. With the exception of the occasional screamers on stage. Why does it have to be so loud? My ear can't reall distinguish sounds above a certain decibel where it starts to sting and bleed. Boy I'm old.

It's time for a new day

I've signed the papers and made my wire transfer. Enough secret deliberation, it's time for action. I'm going to get that sex change I've always wanted. Or "gender reassignment" as the invoice says. Beautiful St. Pene Clinic of Mexico City, here I come! I'm gonna have the "doctor" keep my winky's leftovers just in case I want to change my mind though. I believe I'll go with the weekend special and get the doube D's.

I'm taking suggestions on new names. Must start with a 'J'. The winner gets the first peek after the scars heal. I know you're fascinated!